I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
