Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
