So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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