Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I currently don't understand fingers.
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