Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
