OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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