alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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