I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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