update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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