i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
