Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
