it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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