Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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