I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
