I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
