Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
