I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
