Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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