I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
