I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
