I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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