yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
