i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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