we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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