White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
