At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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