"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made out with two different species that night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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