my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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