please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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