I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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