who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
