How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
