this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
