new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Someone came in the potted fern
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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