if you like me you must not know who I am
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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