so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
