I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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