I wish I could punch you in the face.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize