he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
