Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
