if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
