Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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