I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have post one night stand depression
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
