Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
