she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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