now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
