hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
