how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
