My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
