awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
