I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
