my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
