my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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