I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
