okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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