Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
