I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
