i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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