Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's like iHOP with fire
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
